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The Ratastrophe Catastrophe (illmoor Chronicles)

• ISBN: 9780340873427
• Author: David Lee Stone
• Description:
  The Duke of Dullitch is in distress - several reports are coming in that the city is beginning to be over-run by a plague of rats. Naturally he has killed off all witnesses, but daily the problem is becoming more obvious. His corrupt council, led by the hapless ex-wizard Tambor has no solutions. He must send for mercenaries to rid his city of the rampant rodents. Heralds ride out from every gate, each hoping to bring back the saviour of the city. Part-time herald, full-time thief, and grandson to Tambor, Jimmy Quickstint is the lucky man - falling haphazardly upon the skills of Diek Wustapha - a charmer - recently inhabited by magic and suddenly irresistible to girls, sheep - and rats. Diek fulfils his task and is promised GBP500 for his troubles. But once the rats have gone, the council renege on their deal. Full of anger (and magic), Diek charms the children of Dullitch out of the city, playing on his mouth organ, where he disappears into the caves and woodland of the surrounding area. The Duke is now in despair. Jimmy and his useless friends Groan, a barbarian mercenary, and Gordo, a dwarf - decide they will bring the children back, and garner a huge reward.But their adventure is only just beginning! About the Author David, until recently an employee of Blockbuster video, has been creating the world of Ilmoor since he was ten years old. He works as a freelance writer for SFX magazine. He lives on the coast in Kent and has a baby German Shepherd called Cher. Excerpted from The Ratastrophe Catastrophe (Illmoor Chronicles) by David Lee Stone. Copyright © 2003. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Suddenly, there was an obstruction in the road. At first Jimmy took it for a mountain troll, but then he noticed the crocheted bobble hat and the leopard-skin posing pouch. Another distinguishing oddity, on closer inspection, appeared to be a barracuda tooth on a nipple ring.‘First, get off the ’orse, or die,’ it said. ‘Then you can ’and over all yer gold, or die. You’ll ’ave noticed that two of them . . . er . . . six options is you dyin’. Make yer choice.’Jimmy brought the horse to a stop (at least, he meddled with the reins a little; the horse had actually stopped moving a few minutes before).‘What do you want?’ he said, feeling rather stupid and fearing another options-based summary of the situation.Groan looked momentarily taken aback. He wasn’t used to having to repeat himself.‘Hang on, I know you!’ Jimmy continued, his voice edged with genuine glee. ‘You’re Groan Teethgrit, the barbarian who got thrown from the Crest Tower after that business with the virgins!’ The thief slapped his thigh, gave a little whistle and grinned like a hyena. ‘What happened to that fat, one-eyed dwarf you used to hang out with? What was his name? Cordy?’‘Gordo,’ said Gordo, emerging from the undergrowth beside the path. His planned ambush had been rudely interrupted by the thief’s ‘fat, one-eyed dwarf’ description. ‘And I’d thank you to keep personal remarks to a minimum while I’m carrying this battleaxe, you’ll find it protects against accidental decapitation.’Jimmy held out his hands in a conciliatory gesture.‘I don’t want any trouble,’ he said, the corners of his mouth turning nervously upward. ‘In fact, I’ve been looking for you two. That is, looking indirectly. I bring a message from Duke Modeset and the Dullitch Council.’‘I’m not deliverin’ no message,’ Groan snapped. ‘Do I look like one of them harolds?’Gordo tugged at his partner’s elbow.‘No, I think he means that he’s got a message for us. Is that right?’‘Sort of,’ Jimmy managed. ‘It’s a message for several local mercenaries. Dullitch has been infested by a plague of giant rats. We need someone to go into the sewers and wipe them all out.’‘What’s the pay like?’ Gordo asked, almost before Jimmy had finished speaking.The thief considered lying about the reward money, but quickly thought better of it. Instead, he whipped a scroll from his saddlebag and unfurled it.‘Says here twenty gold crowns,’ he began.‘Twenty? But that’s absolutely—’‘Per rat.’There was a momentary silence.‘Plus a thousand crowns reward money for disposing of the entire horde.’There followed an even longer pause.‘This mercenary list . . . how, um, how many names have you got on it?’ said Gordo, speaking slowly and carefully.Jimmy performed a quick finger-count.‘Seven,’ he said eventually. ‘You, your friend, Sven Sussussafson—’‘Dead,’ Groan interrupted. ‘Taken out by a dragon on the Loft Rise.’‘Okay.’ The thief nodded. ‘I’ll cross that one off. Er . . . Ffaff Qumray?’Gordo shook his head. ‘Mutilated by a skeleton horde up near Skoquement; terrible thing for a man to go through, ’n’ all. They actually sawed his leg off usin’ his other leg.’‘I see. Well . . . then we’ve got Porridge Riley.’‘Orcs, I’m afraid. Absolute barbarism; they only ever found an ear.’‘Stabb the Brave?’‘Over a cliff in Chudderford.’‘Cordwyn Styke?’‘Wife did him.’Jimmy sighed deeply and gave a dismissive shrug.‘Well, that just leaves you boys,’ he muttered, looking up from the scroll. ‘Will you come?’Groan and Gordo glanced at one another.‘We might be able to fit it in,’ said the dwarf.Jimmy made to snatch up the reins, then hesitated.‘There’s only one problem,’ he said.‘Yeah, what’s that?’ said Groan, always ready for a confrontation. The hair he didn’t have bristled.‘Well, there’s only this one horse, and it can’t really take all three of us.’‘That’s not a problem,’ Gordo shrugged. ‘You can walk back.’ © 2003 David Lee Stone

• Pages: 272
• Format: Hardback
• Genre: Fantasy
• Rating: Not yet rated

DETAILS

• Seller: boshter (100% positive from 4 ratings)
• Condition: Excellent ?
• Payment Options: PayPal and Cheque/Postal Order
• Postage: £1.63
• Notes about this copy:
  Hardback with dustjacket. Unread. First edition. Would make an ideal present. Was £10.99 new.

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