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High Society

• ISBN: 9780593049396
• Author: Ben Elton
• Description:
  The war on drugs has been lost. The simple fact is that the whole world is rapidly becoming one vast criminal network. From pop stars and princes to crack whores and street kids, from the Groucho Club toilets to the poppy fields of Afghanistan, we are all partners in crime. High Society is a story about our world today, a collection of criminal nations in which everyone is either breaking the law or knows people who do. It takes the reader on a hilarious, heart breaking and terrifying journey through the kaleidoscope world that the law has created and from which the law offers no protection. From the Publisher The searing new novel from the bestselling author of POPCORN, INCONCEIVABLE and DEAD FAMOUS From the Back Cover The war on drugs has been lost. The simple fact is that the whole world is rapidly becoming one vast criminal network. From pop stars and royal princes to crack whores and street kids, from the Groucho Club toilets to the poppy fields of Afghanistan, we are all partners in crime. High Society is a story about Britain today, a criminal nation in which everybody is either breaking the law or knows people who do. It takes the reader on a hilarious, heartbreaking and terrifying journey through the kaleidoscope world that the law has created and from which the law offers no protection. About the Author BEN ELTON’s career as both performer and writer encompasses some of the most memorable and incisive comedy of the past twenty years. In addition to his hugely influential work as a stand-up comic, he is the writer of such TV hits as The Young Ones, Blackadder and The Thin Blue Line. Most recently he has written the BBC series Blessed on the subject of young parenthood.Elton has written three musicals, The Beautiful Game, We Will Rock You and Tonight’s the Night and three West End plays. His internationally bestselling novels include The First Casualty (out in Black Swan paperback in April 2006) Popcorn, Inconceivable, Dead Famous and High Society.He wrote and directed the successful film Maybe Baby based on his novel Inconceivable starring Hugh Laurie and Joely Richardson. Excerpted from High Society by Ben Elton. Copyright © 2002. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. St Hilda's Church Hall, Soho'My name's Tommy Hanson and I'm an alcoholic.'The young man had risen from his place in the circle of grey plastic chairs and now, having thus announced himself, surveyed the ring of expectant faces. The atmosphere in the little church hall, which until then had been quietly respectful, was suddenly electric. 'But of course you know that.'That famous smile. Those puppy-dog eyes. That jolly, wise, endearing Accrington accent, still only slightly Americanized. 'We're all alcoholics, us. That's why we're here. AA - Arseholes Anonymous as I like to call it. 'Why state the fookin' obvious? But we have to go through the motions, don't we? Do it right. That's the rules, in't it? Make your confession, pray for serenity, chip in for the biccies and wash up your teacup.'There wasn't a woman in the circle who wouldn't have washed Tommy's teacup for him and more besides - some of the men, too, but everyone tried to concentrate. This was after all supposed to be anonymous.'So, like I say, my name's Tommy Hanson and I'm an alcoholic. Plus I'm also a cokehead, but that's me narcotics meeting. Eh,I've got a full day 'aven't I? All day talking about being astupid, screwed-up, self-indulgent twat. I'll be knackered by teatime. I'll need a drink and a nice line or two of charlie.'Don't get me wrong. I love my meetings, I do. Live for 'em. We all do, us arseholes. Testifying, emoting, talking about ourselves. That's all we've got left, in't it? 'So I'm going to tell you about that night - the famous night of the Brit Awards - because I don't think it would be possible for a person to be any more drunk than I ended up that night. Well, you've seen it all in the papers, anyway, so I'm not telling you anything you don't know, except that this is what really happened, not what them bastards put in the stories they wrote. As it happens, I'd fallen off the wagon that day, see, so I was a disaster waiting to happen, weren't I? You know the score, all you repeat offenders. That's the problem with laying off the beer for a while. You lose your tolerance, so when you do give it a shake, you're monged on three halves of shandy. I'd been dry for a whole month, which had been a huge effort for me 'cos I love me pint, I do, but Elton John had said that if he ever saw me with another drink in me 'and he'd whack me with his tiara. So I was making a special effort. Well, he is rock royalty, so you have to do it, don't you?'God, though, I were sick of being sober and there was just no way I was going to keep it up. You know the rules, you have to want to get clean, don't you, and I didn't. Well, come on. It was the Brits! What is the point of being sober at the fookin' Brit Awards? Believe me, I've won a toilet full of them things in my time and that is one crap night if you're straight. One crap boring night. But if you're buzzing, if you're pissed up and mad for it, if you're Champagne Charlie on a spree, then it's brilliant. And when I say charlie I think you know what I mean. Because I wasn't off the charlie, don't forget. No way! One wagon at a time, I say, so I was wired even before I started drinking, strung out tighter than a duck's arse. But I wanted to be drunk, see. Some nights you want to do drugs, but some nights you want to get lathered, and the Brits is a booze night for sure, or at least that's how you want to kick off. If you're pissed up at the Brits the night's your oyster. You can fight all the other pop-star lads. You can chuck ice and bread rolls at the pathetic politicians who are sat there pretending to be hip and leering at all the birds. You can pull a couple of the dancers and you can make a speech so dazzlingly shite that it actually sounds ironic and a bit John Lennon-ish. Basically, you can do what you fookin' well like. You can have it as large as you fancy. But you can't if you're sober. Like, if you're kidding yourself you're on the wagon.'So as I live and breathe, God save me from ever being sober at the Brits. Which is why, as of this moment, seeing as how I've definitely gone straight and I'm here talking to you lot at this meeting, I have sworn I will never go to another one. Mind you, I said the same thing last year, didn't I?'The Paget household, DalstonPeter Paget stared at his wife. She stared back at him. In all their years of marriage never had they felt such a bond. Never had they been so alive together, locked in union as a single force. They knew that the decision they had just made would change their lives for ever. Their lives and their daughters' lives. It would certainly bring down untold anger and contempt upon Peter's head. It would cost him the party whip and almost inevitably his job come the next election. The path that he had chosen led directly to professional ruin.'You have to do it, Pete. I'm proud of you. Really, really proud. The girls will be, too, when we tell them.''Oh sure. Hey, girls, your dad's going to make himself unemployed and unemployable on a point of hopeless principle.''They won't see things that way and you know it.''No, I suppose not. They're good girls. Smartarse little cows, of course, but good deep down.'

• Pages: 352
• Format: Hardback
• Genre: Humour
• Rating: Not yet rated

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