John Gray

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BOOKS BY THIS AUTHOR


Title: How To Get What You Want And Want What You Get: Description:
A practical guide to personal success

Title: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: A Practical Guide For Improving Communication And Getting What You Want In Your Relationships: Description:
A practical guide for improving communication within relationships, helping both sexes get what they want from love and friendship. The author encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love and helps men and women accept each other's emotional needs. About the Author John Gray is a therapist and author. His books include the best-selling Men Are From Mars, WomenAre From Venus, Men Women and Relationships and Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. He has a doctorate in psychology and, in addition to his private practice for relationship therapy, hasconducted seminars in major cities for twenty years. He lives in northern California, with his wife,Bonnie, and their three children.An internationally recognized expert in the fields ofcommunication and relationships, John Gray'sunique focus is assisting men and women inunderstanding, respecting, and appreciating theirdifferences. For more than twenty years, he hasconducted public and private seminars to thousandsof participants. In his highly acclaimed books,audiotapes and videotapes, as well as in hisenlightening lectures and stimulating weekendseminars, Gray entertains and inspires audienceswith his practical insights and easy-to-usecommunication techniques that can be immediatelyapplied to enrich relationships. John Gray is a popular speaker on the nationallecture circuit and often appears on television andradio programs to discuss his work. He has madeguest appearances on such shows as: Oprah, GoodMorning America, The Today Show, Live With Regis,The View, Politically Incorrect, Larry King Live, TheRoseanne Show, CNN and Company, and manyothers. He has been profiled in USA Today, TimeMagazine, TV Guide, People Magazine, New AgeJournal, Forbes, and numerous major newspapersacross the U.S Dr. Gray's nationally syndicated column reaches 30million readers in many newspapers.Internationally, the column appearsin publications in England, Canada, Korea, Mexicoand Israel. The column reaches more than 10 millionreaders weekly. Dr. Gray is also a columnist forRedbook, Brides and Parents magazines. Dr. Gray is a Certified Family Therapist, ConsultingEditor of The Family Journal, a member of theDistinguished Advisory Board of the InternationalAssociation of Marriage and Family Counselors, aFellow and Diplomate of the American Board ofMedical Psychotherapists andPsychodiagnosticians, and a member of theAmerican Counseling Association. Excerpted from Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray. Copyright © 1993. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. In the following extract Dave Pelzer speaks of the courage it has taken to forgive and how it is the crucial step to helping ourselves be free of unhappiness:"I am always asked if I hate my mother. Without hesitation I respond with a resounding no! I saw firsthand, through the eyes of a bewildered child, the changes within Mother and the damage they inflicted on my brothers, my father, others, and me. As a child, the time I spent sitting on top of my hands at the base of the staircase in the dark garage gave me time to think. During one of those lonely hours, I came to realize that if Mother's hate had made her as she was, then I would be different…I had to be different. At times when she would beat me to the point I could not even crawl away, I vowed to be nothing like her. While in foster care, some of my teenage friends would either cop out or quit on themselves at any kind of minor obstacle that was in their path or immediately flare up and act tough. Some of them tried to drown the pain and animosity by picking on others, or with drugs and alcohol. Eventually some of them became slaves to their outlets and found themselves being controlled all over again.Even now, as an adult, I come into contact with so many people who are still tied to their past partly because of their unpleasant emotions. I have a dear friend, Barbara, who years ago was happily married. But after ten years the union ended in divorce. That was nearly twenty years ago, and whenever I spoke to her, after we would exchange initial salutations, I could sense her breathing accelerating and the slight change in her voice as she exploded into the phone, ranting about how her ex-husband had done this or did that, until she became so worked up that I feared she might have passed out from hyperventilation. Barbara would become so upset and lost in her berating that she'd forget she'd been complaining to me about the exact same things for almost two decades! She would 'loop'; her mind would just run in circles. For Barbara it seemed to never end. Over the years Barbara had spent more time and energy putting down her former husband than she had spent being married to him.Once, after Barbara calmed down, I gently reminded her that, as a couple, they had spent some good times together, at least enough to have stayed married for ten years and had two beautiful children whom they both adore. Yet I think Barbara, without knowing, as most of us do when intimate feelings are involved, got caught up in taking a stroll down vengeance lane for so long that it became a habitual response whenever she thought of her former husband. Unlike my mother, Barbara is a caring, functional, responsible person who, once she became aware of her vindictive emotional state, began to forgive her former husband and move on with her life.When I stress forgiveness, I do so mainly to encourage freeing yourself. To me, forgiveness does not mean forgetting what may have happened to or against you. And, like grieving, forgiveness takes time just like any emotion. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight. But with time, maturity, and a different perspective we can free ourselves of emotions that can only lead to great suffering.Noted psychologist Bernie Zilbergeld echoes my thoughts. Mr. Zilbergeld states: "Holding a grudge is one of the most self-destructive things you can do. If you want to have a happy life, you have to move on and let go."Today my mother, I believe with all my heart, is in heaven and finally resting in peace. Not a day passes that I do not think of her. I believe she was a person who carried so much pain within the deepest recesses of her heart. Maybe I had to learn from Mother's unfortunate lifestyle how not to live my life.In forgiving my perpetrator, I feel cleaner. It frees me to not only live a more fulfilled life, but, more importantly, to rid myself of any animosity. I am able to love my wife, my son, and life all the more. When we elect to hate, we not only lose our compassion for others but we lose ourselves in the process. Keep in mind that for someone to hurt you, someone must have hurt them too.Hate no one. Get closure with the person you need to forgive. Pick up that phone, talk to that person, write that letter even if you never mail it. Hug that person. Lower your defenses. Listen with your heart and an objective mind. Just do whatever you have to do to expel these bad feelings from your system. Every day, wipe your slate clean." If you harbor ill feelings, if you stay in a negative environment and do not deal with troubling situations, you can only go so far in life. You may have the world in the palm of your hand, but at the cost of running away from yourself. Every day when you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, you will see yourself as who you truly are and the baggage and disparity you carry - every day for the rest of your life. You will be so busy with all the troubles of your world, you will lose sight of what truly matters in your life. Again, I ask you: With all that you have experienced and as unhappy as you may be, don't you deserve better than that? I believe you do!

Title: Mars And Venus In The Bedroom: Description:
Shares insights into the mysteries of human sexuality, examining gender differences in sexual desire, the need for communication, and the art of sexual satisfaction. From the Publisher Another bestseller from John Gray, the world’s most famous relationship counsellor. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Title: Straw Dogs: Thoughts On Humans And Other Animals: Description:
A radical work of philosophy, which sets out to challenge our most cherished assumptions about what it means to be human. From Plato to Christianity, from the Enlightenment to Nietzsche and Marx, the Western tradition has been based on arrogant and erroneous beliefs about human beings and their place in the world. Philosophies such as liberalism and Marxism think of humankind as a species whose destiny is to transcend natural limits and conquer the Earth. Even in the present day, despite Darwin's discoveries, nearly all schools of thought take as their starting point the belief that humans are radically different from other animals. John Gray argues that this humanist belief in human difference is an illusion and explores how the world and human life look once humanism has been finally abandoned.

Title: Heresies: Against Progress And Other Illusions: Description:
By the author of the best-selling Straw Dogs, this book is a characteristically trenchant and unflinchingly clear-sighted collection of reflections on our contemporary lot. Whether writing about the future of our species on this planet, the folly of our faith in technological progress, or the self-deceptions of the liberal establishment, John Gray dares to be heretical like few other thinkers today.

Title: Mars And Venus: Starting Over: Description:
Offers comfort and advice on how to overcome loss and gain the confidence to engage in new relationships. If you are newly single, this guide aims to help you move past the pain of being alone and to recognize when you're ready to start looking for another partner.

Title: What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You And Your Father Didn't Know: A Practical Guide To Improving Communication Between The Sexes: Description:
A guide which offers strategies for maintaining a fulfilled relationship. A generation ago it was common to sacrifice personal fulfilment for the sake of preserving a married relationship. Now, with changed roles for men and women, divorce has become the common "solution". Gray maintains neither is the answer and, without resorting to jargon, pinpoints seven essential rules for lasting monogamy.

Title: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: Get Seriously Involved With The Classic Guide To Surviving The Opposite Sex: Description:
You can't live with them - and you can't live without them! This is a lively book on successful communication between the sexes, allowing people all over the world to work out what makes members of the opposite sex tick and learn to understand their verbal and non-verbal language, ultimately reaching a point of harmony where it becomes possible to live, work and love together. The advice teaches you to: motivate the opposite sex and get what you want; avoid arguments and promote fruitful communication; learn what will really impress your mate and score points with the opposite sex; learn about the real emotional needs of the opposite sex and the behaviours associated with these needs; and discover the keys to keeping love alive - and staying together long term. About the Author John Gray Ph.D. has revolutionised relationships counselling with his globally best selling Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It is quite simply a phenomenal success which has tapped into peoples needs for straight-talking and understanding between partners. He is a psychologist, writer and lecturer and has been conducting seminars in major cities for over twenty years. He lives in northern California, with his wife, Bonnie, and their three children.